High Standards vs. Unrealistic Expectations: Are You Asking for Too Much?

Let’s be real - you know your worth.

You’ve worked hard to become the woman you are today.

You’ve built a successful career, cultivated emotional strength, and learned to stand tall in your power.

So when it comes to love, you expect the same level of excellence you bring to every other area of your life.

You want a man who’s emotionally available.

You want consistency and commitment.

You want someone who can handle your strength without being threatened by it.

And yet… you’ve been told:

👉 “You’re too picky.”

👉 “Maybe you should lower your standards.”

👉 “That’s why you’re still single.”

After hearing it enough times, you might even start wondering:

“Are my standards too high?”

“Am I being unrealistic?”

“Am I asking for too much?”

Let’s unpack the difference between high standards and unrealistic expectations and how to create space for a love that meets your emotional and spiritual needs.

Why High-Achieving Women Set High Standards

1. You’ve Been the Prize Before. It Didn’t Work Out

You’ve dated men who didn’t deserve you.

Men who were emotionally unavailable.

Men who were intimidated by your success. Men who wanted you to carry the emotional weight of the relationship.

So now you know better...

You refuse to settle for inconsistency, mixed signals, or half-hearted effort.

You’re not asking for perfection.

You’re asking for emotional safety, consistency, and commitment.

💡 The Truth: That’s not being picky. That’s called emotional maturity.

2. You’ve Done the Inner Work

You’ve healed.

You’ve grown.

You’ve gone to therapy.

You’ve journaled.

You’ve done the self-reflection.

You’ve worked through childhood wounds and relationship patterns.

Now you’re looking for a partner who’s also done the work.

A man who knows how to communicate.

A man who’s emotionally self-aware.

A man who’s not afraid to love you openly and consistently.

💡 The Truth: Wanting a partner who matches your emotional and spiritual maturity isn’t unreasonable. That’s alignment!

3. You Know How to Function Alone

You don’t need a man to survive.

You want a man to thrive with.

You’ve got your own money.

You’ve built a life you love.

You’re not looking for someone to complete you.

You’re looking for someone to complement you.

💡 The Truth: A woman who knows how to stand on her own will never settle for someone who requires her to shrink.

What High Standards Actually Look Like

High standards are about emotional health and mutual respect, not superficial traits.

✅ Consistency. He follows through on his word.

✅ Emotional Maturity. He’s self-aware and communicates openly.

✅ Accountability. He takes responsibility for his actions without defensiveness.

✅ Kindness and Respect. He speaks to you with care and treats you with dignity.

✅ Partnership. He adds to your life without expecting you to carry the whole load.

💡 Example: You expect him to text you back within a reasonable time.

👉 That’s not “being needy.” That’s expecting basic communication.

You expect him to communicate his feelings instead of shutting down.

👉 That’s not “asking too much.” That’s emotional maturity.

You expect him to pursue you intentionally instead of sending mixed signals.

👉 That’s not “being high maintenance.” That’s setting a healthy boundary.

Where It Slips into Unrealistic Expectations

❌ Expecting Perfection Wanting a man who’s emotionally mature

= High Standard Wanting a man who never makes mistakes

= Unrealistic

💡 Reality Check: Even the healthiest relationships have misunderstandings and missteps. The key isn’t perfection. It’s how you both handle the conflict.

❌ Having a Superficial Checklist Wanting a man who’s emotionally available

= High Standard Requiring him to be over 6 feet tall with a six-figure income and a perfect body

= Unrealistic

💡 Reality Check: Attraction matters, but compatibility, emotional depth, and shared values matter more.

❌ Expecting Him to Fix Your Emotional Needs Wanting a partner who listens and supports you

= High Standard Expecting him to heal your childhood wounds and complete you

= Unrealistic

💡 Reality Check: Your partner should support your healing, not carry the entire emotional load for you.

❌ Expecting Him to Match Your Success Wanting a partner who’s driven and passionate

= High Standard Requiring him to make as much or more money as you

= Unrealistic

💡 Reality Check: Success looks different for everyone. If he’s passionate, hardworking, and secure in himself, he doesn’t need to match your paycheck to match your energy.

❌ Expecting Constant Emotional Perfection Wanting open communication and emotional maturity

= High Standard Expecting him to never feel insecure or have an off day

= Unrealistic

💡 Reality Check: He’s human. Emotional growth is a process, not a destination.

How to Maintain High Standards Without Becoming Unrealistic

✅ Focus on Core Values, Not Just Traits Instead of: “He needs to be 6’2” with a six-figure job” Try: “He needs to be emotionally stable, kind, and consistent.”

✅ Lead With Vulnerability, Not Just Independence Instead of: “I don’t need a man” Try: “I want a partner who adds to my life.”

✅ Let Him Be Human Instead of: “He needs to always get it right” Try: “I need someone who’s willing to grow with me.”

✅ Make Space for the Right Kind of Imperfection Instead of: “He needs to have it all figured out” Try: “I want a man who’s self-aware enough to learn and grow.”

What It Looks Like When It’s Right

✔️ He listens when you express your needs.

✔️ He takes accountability when he falls short.

✔️ He pursues you with consistency, not confusion.

✔️ He shows up as his whole self and allows you to do the same.

✔️ You feel emotionally safe, not emotionally confused.

But What If He Says You’re Too Picky?

If he tells you that you’re “too picky” because you expect: Emotional maturity Consistency Honesty Emotional safety …he’s just admitting that he can’t meet your standards. That’s not a reason to lower them. That’s a reason to walk away.

You’re Not Asking for Too Much. You’re Asking the Wrong Man

You don’t need to lower your standards. You don’t need to settle because you’re getting older. You don’t need to accept mixed signals and inconsistency. You need to stay rooted in your worth. The right man won’t be threatened by your standards. He’ll be inspired by them.

Are You Ready to Stand in Your Standards Without Fear?

You’ve worked too hard to settle for half-love. You’ve grown too much to accept emotional crumbs. You’ve evolved too far to let fear lower your standards. You’re not too much. You’re just enough. Now it’s time to align with a man who can match your energy.

💡 Your Next Step:

📩 Comment below – Have you ever been told your standards are too high? Let’s talk about it.

💌 DM here –  If you’re ready to attract a man who aligns with your standards, let’s work together.

📅 Click here to schedule a call with me.

🎤 Need a speaker for your next event? Coach Cass speaks on communication and dating for successful women. Perfect for conferences, retreats, and professional women’s groups. Let’s connect!

When love is at the base, everything else falls into place. 💕

#DatingForSuccessfulWomen #LoveAndSuccess #SheDeservesLove #WantedWoman #CoachCass